50 Things the Marauders Are Not Allowed To Do
by hpnerd328
Summary: One day while the Marauders were bored, they came up with a list of things they shouldn't do. To help them reminisce, of course. SEMI HIATUS AGAIN, SORRY
1. The List

50 Things the Marauders Are Not Allowed to Do

1. Padfoot is not allowed to propose to Professor 'Minnie' McGonagall on a daily basis.

2. Even if she looks ravishing that day.

3. The Marauders are not allowed to turn Professor Slughorn into a pig, no matter how much he looks like one.

4. Nor can we blame it on Severus 'Snivellus' Snape.

5. Or Peter.

6. Padfoot and Prongs may not tell any Professor that Snivellus is a drug addict and needs counseling.

7. But they are allowed to tell Professor Dumbledore.

8. Because he will believe them.

9. Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail may not tease Moony about his 'time of the month' in public.

10. But they may do so in private.

11. Because he needs to get those hormone-induced emotions out.

12. If you ever see Moony with chocolate, a wand, and it's his time of the month, Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail may not steal said chocolate.

13. We are not allowed to call Minnie 'Mum.'

14. Nor may we refer to Professor Dumbledore as 'Santa Claus' (that Muggle bloke that breaks into houses).

15. The Giant Squid is our friend, not food (that means you, Wormtail).

16. We are not allowed to hide other students in strange, yet obvious places and blame it on You-Know-Who.

17. Nor may we blame Wormtail.

18. Or Moony.

19. Or Snivellus.

20. Or Professor Dumbledore.

21. No crying; macho blokes don't do that. coughwormtailcough

22. The contents of our bookbags should not scare Snivellus into owling his mum.

23. But they can make him wet his trousers.

24. Just because Wormtail has not hit puberty does not give the others the right to make

fun of him.

25. Or his girlish-man voice.

26. Students do not get butterbeer/Firewhiskey breaks during class.

27. Even if we offer some to the Professors.

28. We are not allowed to attempt to dissect Snivellus to make sure he has a heart.

29. No forgetting Wormtail.

30. Ever again.

31. No reading sappy love stories. coughmoonycough

32. Moony must share healthy portions of his chocolate.

33. 'Healthy' as in 'large.'

34. No 'sleepwalking' to the prefects' bathroom.

35. No giving swirlies (a Muggle torture tactic involving a toilet and a person's head).

36. No dumping pumpkin juice down Snivellus' robes.

37. No claiming that Snivellus' real name is Sarah.

38. No turning the Slytherin Common Room into a swimming pool.

39. Even if you can learn about Muggles and/or magical creatures.

40. No acting corny around Lily Evans coughprongscough

41. No Vanishing Wormtail's food.

42. Or Moony's.

43. Even if it's funny.

44. No telling 'your mum' jokes to Snivellus.

45. She is actually quite a fox and impossible to insult.

46. 'Your dad' jokes are fine.

47. No running through the Great Hall starkers, even if the ladies appreciate it. coughpadfootcough

48. No 'bestowing a gift' into someone's cauldron.

49. We are not allowed to attempt to give Snivellus a bath using a Dungbomb.

50. Even if he will smell better.

**Author's Note: **Now it's your turn! Review and tell me your favorites, and I'll come up with a story to go with it that I will post here as another chapter. Have fun, and thanks for reading!


	2. Sirius Goes Starkers

"Okay, truth or dare, Padfoot?" asked a laughing James.

The fifth year Marauders were enjoying a Sunday evening by playing truth-or-dare and ignoring their homework, much to Remus' dismay. So far, Peter had revealed that he copied James' homework every night, Remus had been forced to kiss Sirius, and James had just sprouted antlers.

Sirius was sitting next to Remus on James' bed, Peter was sprawled on the floor, and James was on Sirius' bed. In Remus' lap was a large amount of chocolate, which he only shared with Sirius in small increments.

"Dare, of course!" said Sirius indignantly.

"Hmm…," James said thoughtfully. "What to have you do?"

"He could run through the Great Hall starkers," suggested Peter. "We can see if what he claims is true."

James laughed. "Good one, Wormtail! Padfoot, you heard the boy. I dare you to run through the Great Hall starkers tomorrow at breakfast."

Sirius smirked. "Because Wormtail's just dying to see me naked."

"I am not," retorted Peter. "Remus is, though."

Remus threw a balled-up wrapper at Peter's head. "Am not. I was about to ask if we all needed to be present at the time, or if we could conveniently oversleep."

"No way, mate," said Sirius. "You _have_ to be there."

"Of course," sighed Remus.

Sirius' alarm went off at six o'clock in the morning, and with it came several pillows aimed at Sirius' head.

"Come on. I have to make sure I look good," said Sirius to the groans of protest.

Humming an unrecognizable tune, Sirius strolled into the bathroom to perform his morning routine. After a good, twenty-minute shower involving loud singing, Sirius magically dried and straightened his hair. Sure, straightening is usually for girls, but how else could he get it to flip so perfectly?

Sirius took his time brushing his teeth, considering that Peter had come in expecting to brush his own teeth before a quick shower. Much to Peter's chagrin, Sirius also had to shave the five o'clock shadow that had formed across the bottom of his face.

Once his morning routine was finished (and three angry boys wanted to get to the sink), Sirius strolled into the main part of the dormitory and dropped his towel. He sighed happily and ran around the room, enjoying the breeze.

James, unfortunately for him, walked into the room just as Sirius leaped onto Peter's bed and posed like Superman.

"Ugh, Padfoot, put it away," said James as he averted his eyes. "Nasty."

"I figure I'll go _au natural _all day," said Sirius proudly as he hopped off the bed. "I'd love to be able to read minds and see what Minnie thinks."

"Or you could figure out how many guys are poufs," suggested Remus, who had just entered the room. He was shielding his eyes while keeping a firm grasp on his own towel.

"Since you can't be bothered to figure out who is on your own," said James with a snigger.

"I AM NOT A POUF!" shouted Remus.

"Oh, come on," said Sirius. "Leave the poor man alone."

"Thank you!" said Remus. "Now I'm going to put some clothes on."

As Remus searched for clean clothes, Sirius strutted around the room. James finally cracked.

"Padfoot, mate, put some clothes on. You can strip right before you go in the Great Hall, okay?" said James as if he was talking to a two-year-old.

"Ahh, come on!

"Besides," James pointed out, "if Minnie sees you before we get to the Great Hall, she'll make you put clothes on before your grand entrance."

Sirius smacked himself. "Of course. What was I thinking?"

"Nothing?" offered Remus.

Peter walked in, already clothed, and had to duck a pair of underwear aimed at Remus. "Oi, watch where you're throwing!" said Peter.

"Sorry, Wormtail," said Sirius.

Remus took the underwear tentatively from his head. He gave them a careful whiff and withdrew his nose almost immediately. "Ugh, Sirius, how old are these?" he asked as he tossed them into the hamper.

"Well," began Sirius as he himself gave the offending pair a sniff, "I'd have to say… a month, at least."

The other three Marauders looked ready to vomit. "What?" asked Sirius, as if he honestly did not know that month-old briefs were a bad thing.

Remus pulled out some of his own clean underwear and a pair of khakis, and sighed. "Don't worry about it, Padfoot."

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever."

Once everyone was ready to go, the Marauders left their dormitory to attack the day. Sirius almost seemed to skip down the corridors, even prance around corners, while James, Remus, and Peter pretended that they had never me him.

Finally, the four teenagers reached the entrance to the Great Hall. Sirius promptly sat down and began taking his shoes off.

"Padfoot, are you sure you want to do this?" asked James. "We can call the whole thing off."

James received Sirius' shoes and socks as a response.

"I guess you're going to do it," said James. He was given Sirius' robes.

Peter was given the honor of Sirius' tie, belt, shirt, and pants. His underwear was saved especially for Remus.

"Thanks," said Remus curtly.

A group of Ravenclaw boys walked towards the Great Hall, giving Sirius a quick look. Immediately the shifted their attention to the apparently quite interesting doors.

"Ready, mate?" asked James.

"Of course." Sirius took a deep breath and ran into the Great Hall shouting; James, Peter, and Remus poked their heads in after him.

The sight that greeted them was one of shock and chaos. A shouting Sirius ran up the aisle, pausing briefly to grab a breakfast roll. Still shouting and mouth full, he hopped onto the Staff Table, right in front of Professor Dumbledore. His feet in omelettes and sausages, Sirius struck his Superman pose. The entire Hall was silent.

Professor McGonagall was the first to regain some composure. "Mr. B-Black!" she sputtered. "Where are your clothes?"

"With James, Remus, and Peter, Professor," he replied.

Girls started blushing and giggling as Sirius walked to the Slytherin table. Once there, he clambered onto the table in front of Severus Snape.

Standing in Severus' breakfast, Sirius asked, "What do you think, Snivellus?"

Severus' jaw was almost to the floor, and he could not speak. This prompted Sirius to say, "Do you like it?"

"Mr. Black, put some trousers on!" said Professor McGonagall. "And detention for a week!"

Sirius saluted her. "Yes, ma'am." He ran to where James', Remus', and Peter's laughing heads awaited.

"Nice one, Padfoot!" said James as he gave Sirius a high five.


	3. James and Sirius Are Thirsty

_26. Students do not get butterbeer/Firewhiskey breaks during class._

_27. Even if we offer some to the Professors._

Transfiguration was passing very slowly for the Marauders. It was a day of notes, and nothing could be more ill-suited for the four rambunctious teenage boys.

_I'm bored_, thought Sirius. _Why does Minnie have to make us sit still? There must be something to liven up this class. . ._

James was thinking along the same lines.

_I've got some butterbeer and Firewhiskey in my bag. Maybe Minnie will give us a quick drink break. I've got to tell Sirius._

He took out some spare parchment and scribbled a note to Sirius:

'Bored?'

Sirius snorted quietly, and quickly wrote 'Duh! Do you have something to make me un-bored?'

'Firewhiskey and butterbeer.'

An evil grin spread across Sirius' face as James got out the bottles and set them on his desk.

"Mr. Potter, what is that on your desk?" asked Professor McGonagall, walking to him from behind her desk. "Is that Firewhiskey?"

James, with a low, sultry voice, said, "Why, it is. Would you like some, Professor?"

McGonagall blinked, then said, "No, Mr. Potter, I would not. These bottles should not even be in your possession."

"Oh, Minnie," interjected Sirius seductively. "Can't you let that silly underage law go, just this once?" He walked to her and touched her arm ever so lightly.

Prim McGonagall wasn't sure how to react to Sirius' passes, but she attempted to maintain her composure as the handsome young man placed an arm around her and James placed a wine glass in her hand. Sirius poured her a shot of Firewhiskey and nudged her to drink. "Go on, Minnie."

McGonagall looked into the amber liquid for a while, and it almost seemed like she was remembering something. Her eyes softened, which gave James and Sirius reason to hope. But then her eyes hardened again, and she threw her glass to the ground, where it shattered.

"Mr. Potter, a week's detention for underage drinking! Mr. Black, a week for trying to make a pass at your professor! Get off of me!"

After class, the boys were contemplating Minnie's reaction.

"What happened to make her so bitter towards Firewhiskey?" pondered Remus.

"Some random bloke must've gotten her drunk and took her hair out of that bun, or something," said Sirius dismissively.

"Yeah," agreed James. "Reckon ol' Sluggy will agree to some Firewhiskey?"

"I hope so," said Sirius. "I don't need any more broken glasses. I Summoned those from my mum's kitchen."

Potions

"Professor Slughorn, sir?" asked James tentatively.

"Yes, m'boy?" Slughorn said, his large girth preceding him.

"Sirius and I have been working really hard-"

"All of us have," interrupted Sirius.

"And I'm sure we're all really thirsty," James continued.

"James has some butterbeer in his bag."

"And Firewhiskey for you, sir," added Peter, catching on to their plan.

"May we take a butterbeer break?" concluded James and Sirius.

The Potions Master rubbed his great chin thoughtfully, considering the boys' proposition. "I don't see why not."

Next thing anyone knew, Slughorn was attempting to waltz with a Ravenclaw, James was trying to get Lily to date him while she made out with Severus, Sirius was snogging a Hufflepuff, and Remus was hording an extremely large pile of chocolate in the corner.

Honestly, Professor Slughorn, did you really think it was butterbeer?


	4. Santa Claus

_14. Nor may we refer to Professor Dumbledore as 'Santa Claus' (that Muggle bloke that breaks into houses)._

The Marauders were sitting in the Great Hall, eating a delicious lunch and discussing the finer points of Muggle folklore.

"Okay, so what you're trying to tell me is, little Muggles think this fat bloke named Santa Claus breaks into their houses, eats their cookies, and drinks their milk," said James incredulously. He stabbed a sausage and shoved it in his mouth.

"No fat bloke's getting my cookies," Sirius muttered darkly. To prove his point he grabbed a cookie from the table and ate it quickly.

"But the Muggles think it's okay for him to break in and do all those things," Remus explained. "He leaves presents for them."

The other three's mouths dropped, and with them came James's sausage and Sirius's cookie. "No way!" they said together.

"What kind of presents?" asked Peter, suddenly enraptured by the story. Peter, James, and Sirius leaned in toward Remus.

"Well, any kind," said Remus indifferently. "Whatever the children ask for. Well, except when they've been bad."

"What happens when they've been bad?" the three asked in unison.

"They get coal instead of real presents."

"That's cruel and unusual punishment!" announced Sirius after shoving another cookie in his mouth. "Just for that, he doesn't get my cookies."

"So what does this Santa bloke look like?" asked James. "He's fat, but is he as fat as ol' Sluggie?"

Remus chuckled. "Yes, he is. And he has white hair and a white beard."

"Wow, he even looks like a child predator," said Sirius darkly. He ate yet another cookie.

"Hey, mates," said Peter quietly. "Look." The rest of the Marauders followed his gaze to the Staff table.

"No way," said James breathlessly. "It's not possible."

Remus snorted. "Of course it's not. He isn't fat."

"But he has the hair and beard," whispered Sirius.

"But he's not fat," Remus repeated.

"Haven't you heard of South Beach Diet?" James asked. "That's him. It has to be."

Remus smacked his forehead. "So, what, does he just gain all that weight back in time for Christmas? That's just silly."

"No, he doesn't gain it all back for Christmas," said Sirius as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

"He gains it all back because Christmas is his reward for being so good on his diet the rest of the year. He eats all the cookies and gets fat. Then he starts the diet all over again," said James matter-of-factly.

Peter wasn't buying it either. "Mates, that sounds really far-fetched, even to me."

Remus, thankful for the backup, said "Thank you, Peter! I'm sorry, but Dumbledore is not Santa Claus."

Unfortunately for Remus, all Sirius and James heard out of that was _Dumbledore, is, Santa, _and _Claus_. James jumped from his seat and pointed to the staff table. "SANTA CLAUS!" he shouted accusingly. He ran from the Great Hall, shouting nonsense about child predators.

Sirius's eyes darted around wildly. Finally he took the rest of the cookies from the table and ran to the door, all the while screaming, "YOU'LL NEVER GET MY COOKIES!"

Remus and Peter sighed before following them out, muttering things about being the only sensible ones of the Marauders.

"We'll have to save their butts later, you know," said Peter.

Remus smirked. "Who said we had to do that?"

Meanwhile, Dumbledore had disappeared from the Staff Table. When questioned later, Professor McGonagall thought she recalled hearing him say, "Damn it, they know my secret."


	5. Snivellus Gets a Birthday Present

_48. No 'bestowing a gift' into someone's cauldron._

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting in Potions class with Professor Slughorn, bored out of their minds. Were they really supposed to make the Draught of Living Death? It was so dull!

James and Remus were partnered together, for Slughorn had finally learned not to let James and Sirius pair up. Their potion was pretty much done; all that was left to be done was stirring, so of course James made Remus do it while he talked to Sirius.

"Padfoot, this is boring!" James complained. "How are we supposed to have fun in this class?"

Sirius thought for a moment while he added an ingredient. Peter watched, but didn't touch for fear of messing something up. "Isn't it Snivellus's birthday today?" he mused as he stirred counterclockwise.

James gasped. "Finally, something to do!" He looked at Severus with an evil look. "What to give him for his birthday?" he muttered conspiratorially.

Remus sighed. "Mates, are you really going to torture the fellow on his birthday?"

Peter took over stirring as Sirius slid next to James to plot. "Of course they are," said Peter. "Best time to get him: when he's not expecting it."

Severus turned around and gave the four a dark look. "That's the thing, though," Remus retorted. "He's _always_ expecting it."

"I've got an idea," said Sirius with a smirk. "James, can you get rid of Slughorn? And perhaps Snivellus?"

James snorted. "No problem." He reached into his bag and pulled out a remote control car. "Check this Muggle toy out, mates."

"James, why do you carry around a remote control car?" Remus asked with slight fascination. He took the remote and checked to make sure there were batteries in it.

"I had a feeling I would get bored today," he said indifferently. "Now give me the remote." He took the remote back, set the car on the floor, and turned it on. "Watch and learn, ladies." He steered the car toward Slughorn.

"What is that?" Slughorn asked with interest. "Who's controlling that?"

James hid the remote under the table and snickered. "I don't know, sir," he said innocently. He steered the car in circles around Slughorn, causing the entire class to laugh as Slughorn chased it around. Next he sent it Snivellus's way, and Slughorn almost ran into him as the car bumped his heels.

"Send them to his office," Sirius muttered, trying to hide his smirk.

"Sure thing, mate." James maneuvered the car one last time around Slughorn and Snivellus, then led them into Slughorn's office, the car continuing to nip at Snivellus's heels and Slughorn chasing after it.

"Do your thing, Padfoot." Remus shook his head and put his face in his hands.

Sirius gave a bark-like laugh and ran to Severus's cauldron. He looked around before unbuckling his pants and urinating in Severus's cauldron.

James and Peter were almost rolling on the floor laughing, and even Remus cracked a tiny smile. "_For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow!" _Sirius buttoned his pants and joined in the last line. "_And nobody can deny!"_

"Happy birthday, Snivellus!" James, Sirius, and Peter said merrily.


	6. Hide and Seek

_29. No forgetting Wormtail._

_30. Ever again._

"The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the wind is blowing just right," said Remus happily as the Marauders strolled around the lake. "It's a perfect day."

"Then why am I so BORED?" Sirius asked sarcastically. "If it was a perfect day, I wouldn't be bored." He crossed his arms like a child throwing a tantrum.

Remus sighed as he took a seat at the lakeside. "Leave it to Padfoot to turn everything back to himself."

James and Peter sat down next to Remus. "We are talking about Padfoot, Moony," he reminded him.

"Why doesn't the weather match my mood?" Sirius demanded. He began to pace by the lakeside. "It should be raining or something. Anything would be better than this!"

"Case closed," said Remus and James together.

"Wormtail!" Sirius barked.

Peter jumped in his seat at the sudden outburst. "Yes, Padfoot?" he said, almost like a servant.

"Come up with something to entertain me."

Peter thought for a moment while Sirius continued to pace impatiently. "Why not pull a prank on Snivellus?" he suggested.

Sirius was already shaking his head before Peter finished. "Nah, I do that every day." He continued to pace. "Why does today have to be so boring?" Sirius fell to his knees and pleaded with the sky. "Why am I so bored? Please, grant me some insight as to what I can do to relieve this boredom!" He dramatically collapsed on the ground.

Remus shook his head. "Padfoot, the clouds aren't going to tell you anything."

"You!" Sirius shouted accusingly. He jumped up and pointed at Remus. "You know a lot about Muggles."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Remus asked incredulously.

"We'll all play a Muggle game to relieve my boredom," said Sirius decisively. "Teach us how to play a Muggle game."

"Oi," James piped in. "What if we don't want to play?"

Sirius glared at him. "You're playing," he said menacingly.

The other three blinked at him. "Let's play hide-and-seek," said Remus, albeit a little shakily thanks to Sirius's previous comment.

Sirius's face brightened immediately. "How do you play?" he asked eagerly. He knelt down in front of Remus and listened earnestly.

"Well, one person is 'it,' and he counts to 50 while everyone else hides," explained Remus, relieved that Sirius wasn't going to hurt him. "Then the person who's it has to find everyone. Whoever gets found first is it and has to help find everyone else."

"That's perfect!" Sirius exclaimed. "Moony, you're it! Start counting!"

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. "One, two, three –"

"Come on, mates, we have to hide!" Sirius encouraged the other two. He ran toward a bush on the other side of the lake. With a couple more sighs, James and Peter got up and looked around for hiding places. James jogged to a tree and began climbing, while Peter, trying to show off a bit, ran to the edge of the Forbidden Forest to hide.

"Great hiding place, Wormtail," Sirius stage-whispered.

Peter turned around and nodded before diving into a bush.

"Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty. Ready or not, here I come," said Remus loudly.

James's tree rustled as he shifted his position in it, and Remus immediately turned around and walked to it. He climbed the tree and tapped James's foot. "You're it."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm devastated."

"I'm so sure," Remus replied sarcastically. "Come on, just help me find Padfoot and Wormtail. I'm sure they're bored by now." He began climbing down, and James followed.

"Padfoot's in a bush across the lake," James whispered for fear of Sirius overhearing and accusing him of treachery.

"Great, let's go get him." James and Remus jumped down the rest of the way and walked to Sirius's hiding place.

"Hmm, I wonder where Padfoot is hiding," James wondered loudly. "Do you know where he is, Moony?"

"Haven't a clue, Prongs," Remus replied at the same tone. He quietly walked behind the bush and now tapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Found him, Prongs!"

Sirius jumped out of the bush. "Wow, you're good, Moony!" said Sirius. "Come on, mates, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat. Looks like it's going to rain, anyway."

"Me, too, Padfoot," said James, thankful that Sirius's random bout of ADD was over. "Let's go." The three began walking inside.

"Mates, did we forget something?" Remus asked as they reached the door. "I can't help feeling we've forgotten something."

They looked at each other, pondering what they might've left behind. None of them came up with anything, so they shrugged and headed to the kitchens.

"Blimey friends," muttered a soaking Peter as he made his way up to the castle a few hours later.


	7. Where's Lily?

_16. We are not allowed to hide other students in strange, yet obvious places and blame it on You-Know-Who._

_17. Nor may we blame Wormtail._

_18. Or Moony._

_19. Or Snivellus._

_20. Or Professor Dumbledore._

It was Christmas at Hogwarts, and the whole school was buzzing with excitement for Christmas break. Well, except for James and Sirius.

"I can't believe my parents are making me come home for Christmas!" Sirius complained. "I wanted to go home with you, Prongs."

James sighed. "I'm sorry, mate. If you could fit in my luggage I'd sneak you with me."

"Damn." Sirius put his chin in his hands and rested his elbows on the table. "What am I going to do all break?"

James put a comforting arm around Sirius's shoulders. "It'll be okay, Padfoot. In the meantime, what can I do to make you feel better?"

"How about a going-away prank?" Sirius asked, lifting his head to look at James.

"Sounds good to me," said James indifferently. "What did you have in mind?"

Sirius scanned the Great Hall, looking for inspiration as James removed his arm and did the same. Over at the Slytherin table, Snivellus was eating lunch with his greasy friends. _Nah, too easy_. Up by the Staff Table were several enormous Christmas trees, and Sirius decided he would use those in whatever prank he chose. _Might as well be fitting to the holiday theme. What if someone ended up on top of them?_ Sirius grinned evilly. "I've got an idea."

"Well, let's hear it," James said impatiently. "Haven't got all day." Sirius leaned over and whispered his idea in James's ear. James's eyes widened. "Not her."

Sirius snorted. "What do you mean 'Not her'? She's the perfect candidate!"

James just shook his head. "Not Lily. I don't want to prank her."

Sirius chuckled. "Fine, I'll do it, wuss." Sirius got out his wand and was about to point it at Lily when someone tapped his shoulder.

"What are you up to, Padfoot?" Remus asked brightly. Remus and Peter had just walked in the Great Hall for a quick, _normal_ lunch. "Not pranking anyone, are we?"

Sirius pouted. "But I'm not going to see you blokes all break! Come on, just one more prank before we leave. Please, Mum?" Sirius begged.

Remus sighed before setting his books down and taking a seat next to Sirius. "Fine, one more, but no blaming me."

Sirius grinned. "Deal."

"What kind of prank will it be today, Padfoot?" Peter asked as he sat down across from him.

"Seasonal," Sirius replied mischievously. "Sure you don't want to help, Prongs?"

James shook his head. "No, thanks."

Remus laughed. "You're pranking Lily? This better be a good one if you're pranking a prefect." The aforementioned Lily was saying good bye to her friends as they got up to leave.

"It's one of my best ones yet. Now, how does that Shrinking Spell go again?" Sirius waited until Lily's friends were gone before muttering the spell. Lily gasped as she shrank to the size of a Christmas angel. Before she could start shouting and attracting attention to herself, Sirius cast the Full Body Bind on her. He slipped down to her seat, picked her up, and carried her carefully back to the Marauders.

James, Remus, and Peter's mouths were all to the floor. "Padfoot, what the _bloody hell_ do you think you're doing?" James hissed. "I'm sorry about this, Evans," he added. "I'll have you know I had no part in that or what might come." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Padfoot, I'm going to have to agree with Prongs," Remus said. "This is ridiculous. Give me Lily so I can un-shrink her." He held his hand out, but James slapped it away.

"I can do it," he said haughtily.

"No, neither of you can," said Sirius evilly. "Don't worry, she'll be fine."

Peter watched Sirius with awe. "That was amazing, Padfoot! How did you get so good at that spell?"

James threw a roll at him. "Wipe up the drool, Wormtail. This isn't good."

"Like I said, don't worry," said Sirius breezily. "You'll see her tonight at dinner."

Well, dinner came, and James and Remus were worried. Sirius and Peter both knew what was going on, and they would often whisper conspiratorially to each other. James and Remus just shook their heads.

"She had better still be in one piece," said James threateningly as the four sat down for dinner.

"I can assure you, Prongs, that Lily has never been better," said Sirius confidently. "Well, as long as she isn't afraid of heights."

"WHAT?"

Sirius clasped a hand over his mouth and directed his attention to the largest Christmas tree. "Look on top."

James licked Sirius's hand to get him to move it. "What's up –" James cut off as he realized what was there.

"YOU PUT LILY ON TOP OF THE TREE?" James exploded.

Sirius quickly covered his mouth again and said to the curious onlookers, "We're working on a new language. What that really means is 'You saw Lily in the library?'" Some of the onlookers sighed and shook their heads at the Marauders' crazy antics while most gasped and decided they would learn this new language. "Prongs, shut up!" Sirius hissed.

Sirius and James continued arguing, with Peter occasionally jumping in for Sirius and Remus thinking of how to get Lily down without it appearing like he did it. Finally, he came up with a plan. Remus muttered the counter curse, as well as the charm to amplify her voice, and suddenly the entire Hall was filled with Lily's shrieks.

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

The students and staff quieted down and tried to find the source of Lily's voice, for she had been missing most of the day.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU SHRUNK ME, KIDNAPPED ME, DRESSED ME UP AS AN ANGEL, AND STUCK ME ON THIS TREE!" Every head in the Hall turned to the top of the biggest tree. "I MISSED ALL OF MY AFTERNOON CLASSES TODAY! HOW DO YOU PROPOSE I MAKE UP MY CHARMS TEST, HUH? AND WHAT ABOUT MY TRANSFIGURATION HOMEWORK? SIRIUS BLACK, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall quickly went to the tree. Dumbledore Levitated Lily down, and McGonagall restored her to her original size. Lily was wearing a gold robe that, of course, hugged her body nicely. Her hair was curled and framed her face beautifully, and a little halo sat atop her head like a crown. Considering that it was Sirius who dressed her, she was very lucky to even be clothed.

Professor Flitwick and Madame Pomfrey tried to sooth Lily, but no one was about to be able to sooth McGonagall. She was red-faced as she walked to the Gryffindor table. "MR. BLACK! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"

Sirius had a shocked looked on his face. "Professor, I don't remember doing any of this." James and Remus shook their heads. There was no way he was getting out of this one. "You-Know-Who must've Imperiused me! That's the only explanation."

McGonagall was fuming. "You and I both know that there is no way this was You-Know-Who's doing! You will not be getting away with this one, Mr. Black!"

Sirius sighed sadly. "It really wasn't me, Professor. I was just trying to cover for a friend." He sighed again before pointing to Peter. "It was Peter!"

"No way, I don't know how to do the Shrinking Spell," said Peter. McGonagall could attest to that one. "Remus did it!"

"You promised you wouldn't blame me!" said Remus angrily.

"Sirius did, not me," replied Peter.

Remus scowled before turning to McGonagall. "Professor, you and I both know that I didn't do it."

"Yes, we do, Mr. Lupin," said McGonagall curtly. "But we need to know who _did_ do it." Her gaze began to shift back to Sirius, so Remus said the first thing that came to mind.

"I saw Snape with his wand out at lunch," said Remus accusingly as he pointed his finger to Snape.

Snape's eyes widened as the rest of the Marauders made more false claims. He knew no words would save him, so he quickly pointed to Dumbledore.

The entire Hall gasped. Even McGonagall had to blink a few times to recover. "Black, Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew, and Snape, to my office!"

"What did I do?" each instantly asked.

"Black, you know what you did. Potter, I'm sure you helped."

"No, I didn't!" James protested.

"He really didn't, Professor," said Remus as sincerely as he could muster.

"Ah, but Lupin, you lied to me, so I don't know that," said McGonagall almost mockingly. "Pettigrew and Snape, you also falsely accused others, even though you were never in any danger of being blamed for this. All of you, to my office, now!"


End file.
